HUNTER COLLEGE READING/WRITING CENTER
THE WRITING PROCESS
Organization: Evaluating Paragraphs (Exercise A)

      In this activity, you will be evaluating paragraphs in terms
of unity, support, coherence, and sentence skill.  Evaluate the
comments that follow each paragraph, and circle the letter of the
statement that most applies in each case.



1.                        Ponderosa Steak House

      There are a number of advantages to eating at Ponderosa
Steak House. The first advantage is that the meals are moderate
in price. Another reason is that the surroundings are clean, and
the people are pleasant. Also, I have a variety of dinners to
choose from. The last and main advantage is that I don't have to
plan and prepare the meal.

a. The paragraph is not unified.
b. The paragraph is not adequately supported.
c. The paragraph is not well-organized.
d. The paragraph does not show a command of sentence skills.
e. The paragraph is well-written in terms of the four criteria.





2.                        A Frustrating Moment

      A frustrating moment happened to me several days ago. When I
was shopping. I had picked up a tube of crest toothpaste, a
bottle of secret deodorant, and a jar of Noxema skin cream. After
the cashier rang up the purchases, which came to $4.15. I handed
her $10. Then got back my change, which was only $0.85. I told
the cashier that she had made a mistake. Giving me change for $5
instead of $10. But she insist that I had only gave her $5, I
became very upset and insist that she return the rest of my
change. She refused to do so instead she asked me to step aside
so she could wait on the next customer. I stood very rigid,
trying not to lose my temper. I simply said to her. I'm not going
to leave here, Miss, without my change for $10.  Giving in at
this point a bell was rung and the manager was summoned. After
the situation was explained to him, he ask the cashier to ring
off her register to check for the change. After doing so, the
cashier was $5 over her sale receipts. Only then did the manager
return my change and apologize for the cashier mistake.


a. The paragraph is not unified.
b. The paragraph is not adequately supported.
c. The paragraph is not well-organized.
d. The paragraph does not show a command of sentence skills.
e. The paragraph is well-written in terms of the four criteria.





3.                          Asking Girls Out

      There are several reasons I have trouble asking girls to go
out with me. I have asked some girls out and have been turned
down. This is one reason that I can't talk to them. At one time I
was very shy and quiet, and people sometimes didn't even know I
was present. I can talk to girls now as friends, but as soon as I
want to ask them out, I usually start to become quiet, and a
little bit of shyness comes out. When I get the nerve up finally,
the girl will turn me down, and I swear that I will never ask
another one out again. I feel sure I will get a refusal, and I
have no confidence in myself. Also, my friends mock me, though
they aren't any better than I am. It can become discouraging when
your friends get on you. Sometimes I just stand there and wait to
hear what line the girl will use. The one they use a lot is "we
like you as a friend, Ted, and it's better that way." Sometimes I
want to have the line put on a tape recorder, so they won't have
to waste their breath on me. All my past experiences with girls
have been just as bad. One girl used me to make her old boyfriend
jealous. Then when she succeeded, she started going out with him
again. I had a bad experience when I took a girl to the prom. I
spent a lot of money on her. Two days later, she  told ne that
she was going steady with another guy. I feel that when I meet a
girl I have to be sure I can trust her. I don't want her to turn
on me.

a. The paragraph is not unified.
b. The paragraph is not adequately supported.
c. The paragraph is not well-organized.
d. The paragraph does not show a command of sentence skills.
e. The paragraph is well-written in terms of the four criteria.




4.                       A Change in My Writing

      A technique in my present English class has corrected a
writing problem that I've always had. In past English courses, I
had major problems with commas in the wrong places, bad spelling,
capitalizing the wrong words, sentence fragments, and run-on
sentences.I never had any big problems with unity, support, or
coherence, but the sentences skills were another matter. They
were like little bugs that always appeared to infest my writing.
My present teacher asked me to rewrite papers, just concentrating
on sentence skills. I thought that the teacher was crazy because
I didn't feel that rewriting would do any good. I soon became
certain that my teacher was out of his mind, for he made me
rewrite my first paper four times. It was very frustrating, for I
became tired of doing the same paper over and over. I wanted to
belt my teacher against the wall when I'd show him each new draft
and he'd find skills mistakes and say "Rewrite." Finally, My
papers began to improve and the sentences skills began to fall
into place. I was able to see them and correct them before
turning in a paper, whereas I couldn't before. Why or how this
happened I don't know, but I think that rewriting helped a lot.
It took me most of the semester, but I stuck it out and the work
paid off.


a. The paragraph is not unified.
b. The paragraph is not adequately supported.
c. The paragraph is not well-organized.
d. The paragraph does not show a command of sentence skills.
e. The paragraph is well-written in terms of the four criteria.


5.                             Luck and Me

      I am a very lucky man, which has not been the case with the
rest of my family. Sometimes when I get depressed, which is too
frequently, it's hard to see just how lucky I am. I'm lucky that
I'm living in a country that is free. I'm allowed to worship the
way I want to, and that is very important to me. Without a belief 
in God, a person cannot live with any real certainty in life. My
relationship with my girlfriend is a source of good fortune me.
She gives me security and that's something I need a lot. Even
with these positive realities in my life, I still seem to finds
time for insecurity, worry, and, worst of all, depression. At
times in my life I have had bouts of terrible luck. But overall,
I'm a very lucky guy. I plan to further develop the positive
aspects of my life and try to eliminate the negative ones.

a. The paragraph is not unified.
b. The paragraph is not adequately supported.
c. The paragraph is not well-organized.
d. The paragraph does not show a command of sentence skills.
e. The paragraph is well-written in terms of the four criteria.
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